When someone makes a demand to express “My Truth,” I have learned to BEWARE! It has been my experience that when a person has a "My Truth" starting point to a conversation, several unhelpful things will follow:
- They will fight to protect “Their Truth.” Both me and my perspective present a personal threat to them and “Their Truth” and indeed the very identity they have built on “Their Truth.”
- They will be unable to imagine any other “Truth” that is not theirs alone, even if I agree with them.
- They will be unable to even imagine a “Truth” that is big enough to speak both to their perspective and to mine.
And worst of all, those problems are "baked in" to their thinking. The problems necessarily follow from the premise that "I have the truth" in my sole possesion.
A different starting point that leads to different conversations and better outcomes is realizing that everyone has their experience and/or perspective on "The Truth."
It is more helpful to say "I had this experience and it was true." Great! is my response. How does your experience connect with my own experience, even if different, and help us both get a clearer glimplse of "The Truth."
It is more helpful to say "This is my perspective on this matter." Great! is my response. Perhaps your persepective can enlarge or enlighten my perspective. We are both better off to discover that.
It can be the case that your perspective might disagree with my perspective. Fair enough. But we can still be people who are pursuing "The Truth." At this point, our perspectives simply disagree. Neither of us need be a threat to the other person.
The "My Truth" orientation is exclusive and necessarily leads to conflict. After all, if "My Truth" and is different that your "My Truth," then your "My Truth" is wrong and such a falsehood must be set right. That is to say, surrendered to my "My Truth."
Better - and I would say closer to the reality of our world - to say that "The Truth" exists independently of me. I certainly may have an experience of that "Truth" or a perspective on it. But I do not own Truth.
When "The Truth" exists apart from either me or you, then it is easy for me to realize that I may have only a parital experience or perspective on "The Truth." The next step is to realize that perhaps you have an experience or persepctive that would better inform my own. Picture me moving from a 20% grasp of "The Truth" to a 22% of "The Truth" because of what I learn from your experience or perspective.
As you can see, such a starting point draws us to community and reconciliation rather than conflict.
In closing - and with a big grin as I type - if what I am saying is off base and and you need to let me hear "Your Truth" on this, give me a call through the church office and I will be happy to listen. I am certain I can benefit from your perspective.
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